HOW TO AVOID THE PILLOW TALK TRAP- Sarita Johan

10/3/2021

Sarita Johan presenting Build your Core

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Introduction
Up until this point we have explored the technical aspects of what you need to build your core when in a Dynamic Business partnership. You have put the building blocks in place and the one conversation we have not had yet is looking after your number 1 asset which is…. YOU. It is easy for the build of your business to take over and for you to compromise you. If you are finding yourself in a Dynamic Partnership where you are doing life and business together you can even take this into the bedroom and turn it into pillow talk, which you really want to avoid. Even though the episode title is “How to avoid the Pillow talk trap” we are going a little off road here as we look at two areas that can make a real difference in your business and life.

As you build your core and are continuing to invest in your business it is imperative you invest in your self-care practices.

Show Objectives
In this episode we focus on Dynamic Business Partnerships who are doing business and life together, we explore the playbook you can create to ensure you keep the dynamics going and fulfilling. We will explore the importance of your mindset, self-care (and why we sometimes suck at this) and setting boundaries.
I found this quote by Katie Reed, who is an American mental health advocate and she says, “Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”

Key Issues we will focus on in this show

Your mindset and the role it plays in self-care
As the individual Self-care practices are put on the back burner, you feel you don't have the time, you feel guilty about taking time out for yourself
Lack of boundaries between professional and personal

The three key issues are extensive in nature and for today's show we will focus on how awareness around this can become the game changer for you, your parnter and your business.

What You Need to know

What are your daily thoughts like? What you think you become, energy flows where attention goes
What is self-care and how do you do it?
- Self-care, simply is looking after yourself, I know it sounds broad but simply put that is what it is. It is looking after yourself including areas such as you mentally, physically and the relationships you keep.
- It gets put last on the list because you feel it takes a lot of time, you might even feel guilty. Self-care is like building a muscle, start small with doing something regularly (can be daily every other day), but make it so that you can maintain it and you can increase the activities as you go
The areas to consider
- Mindset what are you growing in the garden of your mind
  - What are you consuming on a daily basis, external information
- Physically
  - Are you moving your body regularly
  - What are you night activity practices, are you cashing in on your night reserves, eg are you getting a good nights rest, what do you do before heading off to sleep
  - What fuel are you providing your body with
- Your circle of influence
  - Connect and build relationships outside of your partnership
  - Are the people in your circle of influence making a positive impact on you?

Spending time with yourself and your partner
- Incorporate time for each other, it sounds strange but put it in your diary, include some fun stuff you both enjoy and can look forward to
- Learning new things add spice to life and don’t have to be big or time consuming

Setting your boundaries is not only healthy, it creates clarity and makes life easier not only for you but also others around you. Setting boundaries can be tricky, however when you are clear for yourself and your partner it creates a level of safety for all. People who have good boundaries are feeling less pressured. Why people might struggle with this one is that often they do not want to rock the boat, avoiding creating upset so instead saying yes all the time and ultimately it can end up in burn out. As humans if we don’t feel there are boundaries it is natural to push and see how far we can go.
What boundaries are not
- Selfish
- Unkind
- Ruthless

You might ask yourself, what has this got to do with the pillow talk trap, well it is the ripple effect. If you and your partner have a good know-how on what and how you would like to see it work (yes it does take a bit of trial and error) it will reduce the chances of unwanted conversations ending up on your pillow.

What You Need to Do

Self- care practices
- Develop good mindset practices, a simple technique I like to use to get people started is daily self reflection, it is dual in nature 1. It allows people to reflect on the day that has been and 2. It closes the day off (and will reduce the chances of taking conversations into the bedroom) it is simple but is a good starting point
- Physically Move your body, find something for you and your partner you can do solo and together eg. Instead of having a meeting in the office, go for a walk together if that is your thing or anything else that gets you moving the combination of movement and outdoors is a winning combo. Take some time as well to monitor your food habits, in the busyness are you taking out more then eating in, this can even be an activity you do together to decompress the day
- Relationships, assess who you are hanging out with, do they inspire you does it make you feel good being with them, do they challenge you in a positive way, just a few questions you can explore
Setting boundaries
- Where to start? Make a list of all the things you say yes to, are you falling into the I need to be all things to all people?
- One of my favorite tools I was shown by my mentor Russell Whylie is the 3c’s it helps establish what you need from each other as partners in terms of communication, collaboration and commitment. It is one of the most effective tools I have been using with my clients

In my experience the most important thing is to schedule the time into your calendar to get you started, it is easy to do and it is easy not to. Make it a non-negotiable, something is better than nothing.

Shows
Next: Episode 11 Playing your A-Game, in this episode we will discuss Pillar 5 Commitment to common and individuals intention (soul, role and goal setting)

Set a plan for you as a dynamic duo personal and professional goal setting
Set a plan for you as the individual
Continue to invest in the both of you

If you’d like to understand more about Dynamic Partnerships you can schedule in a time for a 20 minute power chat. Book your time here.

“Sarita Johan brings more than 30 years of Business experience. After spending her career climbing the corporate ladder, running her own businesses and juggling family and relationships – she doesn’t just talk the talk she’s walked the walk.SJ Coaching was born out of the desire to be more. A snapped femur, financial hardship, and a broken marriage led Sarita to completely redesign her life.

Sarita walked away from her high-profile career, invested in self-development and became a NLP Master Practitioner and ADVanced Innermetrix consultant which has allowed her to deeply understand how people think and make decisions. Because of that Sarita is able to deliver a holistic solution for those in business, teaching people to become more conscious of that we are not our business and the need to consider all areas of life. Her unique blend of business and mindset coaching empowers her clients to identify their business blind spots and success blocks so they can prosper in both business and life”.

Sarita specialises in coaching for People in Business with:

If you have any questions or would like more info on how to Play your A-Game from the Inside Out? then see below links where you can find me.
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Written by Sarita Johan